LOTR Vs The Stupidity Force
by Pippin4President
Summary: When things that I don't like form an army and invade Middle-Earth, the good and evil Lord of the Rings characters must team up to achieve victory.


This is my first fic. I don't own anything.

The Long and Boring Party

3 seconds after the ending to The Return of the King, Aragorn invited everyone that didn't die or leave to a massive party at Minas Tirith… which didn't end up to be as fun as anyone originally thought.

"Ha, pointy-ear, I win again. You just can't admit that Dwarves kick butt in Super Smash Bros. Melee!"

"I'll win this time! I'll break your 5,000 match winning streak… eventually, as I am the prettiest thing in existence," Suddenly, as Legolas was talking, music started up in the background and he started to sing, "I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty, and…"

"Shut up!" a very bored Merry said from the couch.

Aragorn and Arwen, Faramir and Eowyn, Sam and Rosie, And Pippin and his wife (Diamond of Long Cleave, if I remember correctly) were all making out in various places around the room. Treebeard couldn't fit inside of the palace so he was waiting outside, and surprisingly not bored... Even though the "party" had been going on for days without anything happening…

"Don't be hasty, Master Author," Treebeard said into the sky. Several random Gondorians walking by were very confused.

"Why is that tree talking to the sky?" one asked.

"Tree? I am no tree! I am an Ent, and I was talking to the author of this fic," Treebeard replied.

"Whatever," the random Gondorians left to do… random Gondorian things. Treebeard went back to just standing outside of the palace.

Meanwhile, inside of the palace, Merry and Eomer… the only characters who weren't in a pairing, were sitting on the couch. Eomer was looking at a nearby clock.

"56... 57... 58... 59... We've officially been here for a 4 days," he counted.

"Four days of everyone who was paired with someone making out, Legolas and Gimli hogging the Gamecube, you constantly sitting here looking at the clock, Treebeard telling someone called the 'Author' not to be hasty, and me just sitting here doing nothing. Do you want to know the weird part? Gamecubes and clocks haven't even been invented yet! If some weird, unexpected event doesn't happen in the next five seconds, I'm going to go crazy!" Merry ranted.

4.99 seconds later, Boromir magically appeared from nowhere, "I'm alive! Praise the Author of this fic!"

"Who exactly is this 'Author'? I've been wonder this for almost four days," asked Merry.

"Well, this will be a very long story. It all started when I was five. I really wanted a puppy, and my father said 'Yes'. Then, a few weeks later he said the puppy was dead even though it was still walking around and barking. I said 'Fido's not dead!' but my dad wanted to set him on fire anyway…" Boromir began.

A week later…

"…And, in conclusion, the Author is the person who decides everything that happens in a story, also known as a fic on Boromir finished.

"That explains a lot, but what does the puppy, the mozzarella sticks, the stapler, and all of those other things have to do with all of this?" Merry asked.

"You'll have to die and come back before you understand their importance," said Boromir. Suddenly, Haldir appeared. He then ran toward the bathroom.

"What was that about?" asked Merry.

"Trans-existence traveling usually makes elves very nauseous," said Boromir.

Suddenly, Theoden appeared.

"Uncle? You're alive! Eowyn! Our uncle magically appeared as was already established!" Eomer danced around the room. Eowyn didn't hear him because she was busy making out with Faramir.

"Um… Eomer, you're too happy. It's starting to frighten potential reviewers," said Theoden "What did I miss?"

"Well, Boromir and Haldir, who is in the bathroom, came back to life before you, Legolas and Gimli have been hogging the Gamecube for a week and four days, Treebeard is outside telling the author not to be hasty, Eomer was looking at the clock until you arrived, I've been here being bored out of my mind, and everyone else is making out," Merry filled Theoden in.

Suddenly, Denethor and Gollum/Smeagol appeared and were gagged and put in a straight jackets before they could say or do anything.

"Mmm… Mmm… Mmmmm…" they tried to say.

Meanwhile, in the ocean around Gondor…

"We should be arriving in the Undying lands about right…" Suddenly, the boat containing Frodo, Bilbo, Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel, and Celeborn crashed into the Gondorian shores.

"Wow! The Undying lands sure look a lot like Gondor," Frodo looked around.

"This _is _Gondor. That is the last time we rely on Random Elf #43 to navigate a ship," said Elrond.

"It isn't my fault. I couldn't get the GPS to work," said R.E #43.

Gandalf walked up to the ship's GPS, which was near the helm, and flipped a switch from "Off" to "On".

"I never would've guessed that that was what was wrong with it," said R.E #43.

Bilbo was asleep on the deck, while Galadriel and Celeborn were making out like the couples in Minas Tirith.

"Since we're here, let's go into Minas Tirith," said Gandalf.

Everyone left the boat. Galadriel and Celeborn didn't stop making out as the group headed towards Minas Tirith.

A few minutes later, inside Minas Tirith.

"I've been wondering something," said Random Gondorian #14.

"What?" asked Random Gondorian #325.

"Why don't we have actual names?"

"It's because the Author of this fic is too lazy to name us."

"That makes sense."

In Palace of Minas Tirith, where something less pointless was happening…

Frodo, Bilbo, Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel, and Celeborn walked into the room where everyone else was. Bilbo mysteriously teleported back to the Shire where he will have almost no role for the rest of the fic. Galadriel and Celeborn, still making out, went into the part of the room where the other people were making out. Frodo, Gandalf, and Elrond crammed into the couch with Merry, Eomer, Theoden, Boromir, and Haldir.

Suddenly, dark, ominous music began playing and the eight people on the couch looked outside. Standing not 100 feet from Minas Tirith was the tower of Barad-dur, Sauron included. Orthanc was magically teleported right next to it.

A mere few minutes later, Saruman, Grima, Lurtz, Ugluk, Grishnakh, The Witch King, Gothmog, The Mouth of Sauron and Gorbag all walked into the room (For those of you who don't know who some of these guys are: Lurtz is the guy that killed Boromir, Ugluk commanded those Uruk-Hai after Aragorn killed Lurtz, Grishnakh is the orc that chased Merry and Pippin into Fangorn Forest, Gothmog is the orc that was in charge of the Minas Tirith battle (Even though the Witch King was supposed to be the commander), The Mouth of Sauron is the guy that came out of the Black Gate first in the extended version scene aptly named "The Mouth of Sauron", and Gorbag has something to do with Cirith Ungol).

"Gasp!" gasped Frodo, Merry, Gandalf, Elrond, Haldir, Boromir, Eomer, and Theoden.

"Chill! We don't want to kill you," said the Witch King "We've just come to tell you that there's a massive army of things even eviler than us coming this way."

"Yeah, right. Why are we supposed to believe you?" asked Gandalf.

Suddenly, Random Gondorian #9,865 ran in.

"A massive army of bad guys is headed this way!" he cried out.

"Ha!" said the Witch King.

"Let's join up forces to fight this much greater evil… wait, what is it?" said Theoden.

Everyone agreed and they pulled out crowbars to pull the couples apart and turned off the Gamecube. Rosie and Diamond mysteriously teleported to the Shire.

Meanwhile, Outside the city…

"Mwa! Ha! Ha! Care Bears, attack!" Barney, the enemy commander, commanded. Care Bears began moving toward Minas Tirith.

"Standarized Tests, attack!" The SAT, one of Barney's underlings ordered his test army. The Standarized tests marched toward Orthanc.

"Pro-war extremists who still believe that we should be in Iraq despite everything pointing against it, Sauron has weapons of mass destruction!" George W. Bush lied to his following, who began attacking Barad-dur.

"We are members of the Stupidity Force, the most hated things of the Author of this fic, and there's a lot more where we came from!" Barney cried into the walls.

Lord of the Rings characters rushed to get their armies in place to counter this evil attacking their central areas.

Will the teamed up forces of Lord of the Rings characters be able to defeat three sieges at once? Where did the Stupidity Force come from? And what happened to Denethor and Gollum/Smeagol? Find out in the next exciting chapter of: LOTR vs. The Stupidity Force!


End file.
